Mr. Unsure

I’m just going to jump right into things here.

People need to figure out what they want/don’t want before dating.

If you aren’t ready for the possibility of being committed to someone, don’t get on bumble, or tinder, or whatever else is out there and go out with someone, treat them like they mean something for 2-3 weeks and then be like “woah, this is too much”. What the hell what your intention then hmm?

If you meet someone, and then text them all the time, and see them more often than not, that gives them the impression that you want something more. You want to get to know them and only them to see if it could go somewhere. But instead, people do this because they want to feel wanted for a second. They miss what it feels like to have someone. And so, after they get their fix, they don’t need you anymore.

Glad I could be your fix. You little shoot up when you were going through withdrawal. 

But I don’t hold it against you. I get it. I used to be like you. I used to use people and only care about how I felt, I didn’t care who I was hurting as long as I felt good for half a second. I wanted attention from anyone who was willing to give it. It’s not that I didn’t like these guys. They were good guys. I just didn’t know what I wanted. Some days I wanted someone close to me, other days I didn’t. However, I was making them think that I wanted them and only them. That I wanted something more with them.

So maybe it’s karma. Now that I want someone who I can get close to and maybe even build a life with, I’m stuck with all of these guys who are unsure who treat me like i’m special up until I feel comfortable showing genuine emotion. Then, I become “too much”; “coming on too strong”.

You can’t blame me for starting to act that way when it was how you acted initially, you did not make it clear what you wanted. Maybe I was misleading when I said I’d like to just see where it goes, but then again, I guess I was under the impression it was going in some sort of direction. Apparently to you what we were doing was an unchanging, non-moving thing. We were supposed to be “friends” because that’s all you wanted.

Friends don’t kiss other friends, especially not in public, or on the forehead. Friends don’t cuddle friends and smile at me the way you did. Friends don’t even look at each other the way I could see that you looked at me.

It’s fine if you’re afraid of being hurt, or if you wanted to take things slowly, but it’s not okay to allow me to just start to get feelings for you and then say you just wanted to be friends this whole time.

Fine. Lie to me, but at least be honest with yourself. Know what you want, or at least what you don’t want, and make that clear.

And don’t worry, it’s okay. I know I can take a blow. You know me, I’ll be fine.

I’m always fine. 

-Holly

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