Have you ever had a moment where something triggers you into remembering everything about an event from the past. What you were wearing, the details of your surroundings, how you felt in that moment. Well, I experienced that this morning.
When I woke up this morning, it was dark outside. I had my earplugs in so I couldn’t hear anything that was going on outside. I laid in bed wondering why it was so dark out at around 8:30am. I eventually took my earplugs out. It was thunder storming in the capital. I could hear the rain pouring down hard, so I opened my blinds to have a look. I laid back down in bed and while staring out the window, I had a very vivid memory from around this time last year.
I was dating my ex at the time. It was the weekend.
I woke up and it was storming in the capital. I could hear the rain pouring down hard, so I opened his “blinds” (it was a poster of some chick) to have a look.
Neither one of us had any plans that day so we decided to spend the day inside. I went to take a shower, and I remember I didn’t have a baggy shirt to wear and that was the mood I was in, so he gave me one of his. It was pink and black zebra striped. (Yes. My ex boyfriend owned a shirt that was pink and black zebra striped.) I put on the grey leggings that I had worn the day before. So there I was, hair not done, wearing his shirt, and my grey leggings. He put on a pink shirt and some grey man-leggings (Yes. he owned those too…). We matched. We snuggled up in bed with the window open. I can still picture the view from his bed as we lay together.
There was a tree right outside of his window, it seemed exceptionally green in the rainy weather. It almost looked as if we had the view from a tree house placed in that tree. It smelt like rain. It was humid and rain forest like. I love the smell of rain, of wet earth. Petrichor.
The clouded sky lit his room just enough that a light wasn’t needed, but it was still relatively dark. When we got hungry, we ordered a pizza, and when the pizza arrived we sat in his bed, and watch Netflix movies. He always ordered pineapple on his pizza. And we just giggled, and cuddled, and we were just us. No make up. No trying to impress each other. Just us.
It was just a good day. A really. Really. Good. Day.
These are the kinds of things I miss about being with someone. Not the going out on dates and trying to impress the person. Not knowing how interested in you they are, wondering if you are even into them at all. I miss knowing, really feeling, how they feel about you. No doubt in your mind that they want you. Knowing that despite your hair in a mess, and lack of make up that it changes nothing. No judgements. I miss doing nothing together. Those are my favourite days. Knowing that you can just be. Just being in each other’s presence is enough for both of you.
It is key in a relationship to just be able to be with one another. This moment was the first time I ever experienced that with anybody, and it’s something I will look for in the next person I choose to commit to. I think that’s why I remember it so well. He allowed me to be me.
We just were.