On February 17th, 2016 SKG told me essentially that he didn’t want me in his life anymore, and that he no longer wanted to be a part of mine.
On the evening of February 18th, 2016, it was our last night in Edmonton, so L and I went out to Knoxville’s, a country-ish bar in downtown Edmonton. We walked into this huge bar a little bit intoxicated, and I was not in a good mood. This bar was interesting. The music was alternating between EDM and Country. People would shuffle to the EDM and then all of the sudden the dance floor would be filled with people two-stepping, and then back to shuffling. Weird.
L and I are just standing off to the side trying to figure out what to do, when a guy covered in tattoos, who I could tell was older than us, walked over and asked if either one of us would like to dance. L immediately goes and says, “SHE DOES!!!” And I’m tired and feeling shitty and I lean over to say that I actually really do not want to dance. L insists that I actually do. So I cave, but I have no idea how to two step, and I tell him that. That doesn’t effect him any because he just starts dancing and I’m just looking at his feet thinking what in the sweet eff is happening.
He’s trying to coach me at this time, but honestly he was terrible at “teaching” me. I mostly just gave up and let him spin me. This continued. Songs changing, me still confused on how to actually two step, him telling me just to feel it and to stop trying. My mind started wandering.
Where was L??!
I’m not even trying to dance at this point, I’m more focused on searching out my friend. She disappears a lot.
This happened at various points during the night. This guy just wanted to dance with me and my mind was totally else where. Jumping between thoughts of where L was, and the events that had transpired between SKG and I the night before.
As the night progressed, the alcohol really started to kick in, and I started to get rather emotional. This guy would spin me and I would try my best not to cry as I thought about the night prior to this one. And all of the sudden, I’m being flipped. FLIPPED! As my feet are all the way up in the air I let out a scream and then, all of the sudden, I’m bent over on my feet.
WHAT THE HELL!!!!! This guy! He just flipped me! HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN!
I stood up straight, astonished, and I laughed. That was amazing! He continued to dance on, and I followed. He had flipped the tears right out of me. This was my last night in a different city and I was going to have fun. I danced towards him, closer, and closer. We were very close, and I just went for it. The moment was right, and I kissed him. It was nice. Not like those gross overly-druken kisses that you usually have when you make out with a drunk stranger. When he kissed me back, it was gentle, yet assertive. But… Ha. Yea. That whole mind set lasted all of maybe half an hour.
The night was coming to an end, and the bar was emptying, I started to feel it in my stomach. I was sad. Just sad. I just couldn’t bring myself to dance anymore, so I sat down on the edge of the stage, and he came and sat with me. As my head was down, he put his hand on my back. This guy was so caring. He didn’t even know me, and knew I was leaving the next day. We even exchanged numbers for whatever reason, and thinking about it now, I’m glad we did. Someone unkind had just left my life, I wasn’t going to shoo away a kind person from my life.
The tattooed guy and I found L and her friend. They were starving, so we decided to grab something to eat. This was the first time I got to see him in proper lighting. Covered in tattoos. He reminded me of the guy that I has met on the airplane the last time that I was on my way to Edmonton. I turn and whisper these thoughts to L who admits that she can kind of see how I would think that. They keep talking among themselves. I look at him and blurt out, “What do you do for a living?” Everyone stopped talking to each other to look at me, and then he replied, “I work with oil and gas and stuff.” “Ha. Of course you do!…” Oops…. that was supposed to be and inside me head comment… He gave me a weird look, like he didn’t really understand what my issue was.
**Just a quick update for those who haven’t read my post about the man I met the last time I flew to Edmonton. He was 26, covered in tattoos, worked in the oil fields, and had two children with two different women.
I look at him again. “How old are you?” “26” HAAA wow. Twins. I’m just giggling to myself in disbelief at how similar these two guys are. I decided to just go for the third question. “Do you have a kid?” He replies with, “So what if I did have a kid?” I kind of let that go as him not having a kid. However, a few minutes later when I had never received a text he had sent me, I told him to give me his phone so that I could put my number in instead. He was hesitant, so I said, “well unless you have anything to hide.” That’s when he showed me the background of his phone, “this is the only thing that I would have to hide.” His kid. Hoooooooly Sh*t! AGAIN!?
I’m still baffled at the idea that I met two extremely similar men the only times that I have went to Edmonton. Both times I was upset about SKG when I met them.
He got L and I back to our hotel safely that night, and when I kissed him goodbye, I knew it was most likely a real goodbye. The kind of goodbye that was a I-will-probably-never-see-you-again goodbye.
That was that. We kept in contact after I left, but it slowly faded away. We still talk occasionally, but there was no crazy elaborate love story that came out of this one.
This story might not seem like an overly exciting or entertaining one to an outsider, but to me, thinking back on it, I think it changed my life. That may seem confusing but let me explain.
Most of us spend so much time focusing on the negative things that have happened to us. We waste so much time and energy thinking about people who hurt us, who stopped loving us, or who never did. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t feel negative emotions. If we never felt anything negative, we wouldn’t be able to truly appreciate positive feelings and the places, people, and things that give us those feelings. However, there are certain cases where the person who hurt you doesn’t deserve your feelings of missing them or your sadness about losing them. In my case, SKG stopped treating me right a long time before I let him hurt me for the very last time. He didn’t and doesn’t deserve to take up any space in my mind.
At the time I let my negative feelings prevent me from truly enjoying the night that I was having. I was having one of those nights that you hear about in stories, and see in music videos and movies. One of those nights where I could have been truly happy, dancing with this stranger, leaving the bar with the snow falling onto my bare skin, climbing into a big truck with a couple of tattooed goons. I wish I would have enjoyed the night for what it was. This guy was one of the good ones. One of the kind-hearted ones. I could have been happy that night. I let my negative emotions towards some now irrelevant douche-canoe ruin my night.
Once I realized this, I made a promise to myself.
I promised myself that I was going to try and not waste any more time than I feel I really need to being angry, upset, or displeased. I decided that if somebody made me angry or upset, I wasn’t going to hold a grudge. If I know that eventually I would get over it, why would I waste time being angry just to end up letting it go as an end result.
If somebody hurts me and lets me slip away, even if I love them, then they are not right for me. Someone who deserves my thoughts is someone who would never let me go. I decided to try and not waste time missing somebody who doesn’t miss me. Missing them isn’t going to fix the way I feel or change anything, so what is the point in letting someone control how I feel when they don’t want to be a part my life anymore. I’m just giving them control over my emotions. F*** that. I will never let someone who chose to leave, prevent me from truly appreciating the life that I am living because I am too busy wishing things were different.
I promised myself that no matter what, I was going to try and appreciate the good things in life more. Appreciate the people who want to be in my life more, instead of dwelling on the people who made the mistake of leaving my life.