It’s just not “right”

You know that period of time right after a break up; that period of time where you don’t know what you’re doing with your life in this moment, what you are going to do with your life, what you even want anymore, and everything seems so mediocre?

Well, I know that period of time because I’m attempting to free myself from it right now.

Most people have been here under whatever circumstances. However, in my case, it happened when I broke up with someone who is an amazing human being. Someone who was nothing but good to me, thought I were beautiful, and was always there to support me (which makes all of this even more difficult). But, then I go and break up with him because something is just… missing.

It’s just not “right”.

That “thing” that everyone looks for; “that feeling” “that thing” “the spark”. Whatever the hell that means. I don’t even know what it is, but my boyfriend… I mean… my ex boyfriend (ugh), and I just did have “it”.

Anyways, you break up with them, and you’re left thinking things like, did I make the right choice? What if I never find someone better for me? What if he was it for me?…

Or in my case… Am I stupid? Did I seriously just break up with the most amazing guy I’ve ever met/dated in my life?? Why didn’t I want him?…. What do I even want?  What do I even like in a man? 

I’m f***ed up. Is probably the only conclusion that you’ll come up with.

But you’re not.

The end of your relationship wasn’t all about you, it was about that other person too. They deserve (in most cases) to find someone who will experience the feeling, the mutual admiration, between two people who are in the right relationship.

I broke up with the most amazing guy because he is better suited for someone else, and there is nothing wrong with that. It has nothing to do with me as a person, and it means I am meant for someone else also.

In Plato’s Symposium, he explains that we all once were made up of four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Zeus feared the power of us, and so, he split us in half, and continues to do so. We then become what we are now, made up of two arms, two legs, and one face, destined to roam the earth in search of our other half.  

It is one of my favourite views on love.

That ex, is just not my original half. His fingers may have fit with mine, our lips may have felt suited for the other’s, his shoulder may have felt nice to lean on, but our hearts just quite didn’t fit.

So really, it doesn’t matter what you’re doing, or where you’re going from here, or what you think you want. Stop focusing on those things.

What matters is that, from all of this, you’re closer to figuring all of this stuff out. You’re closer to finding your second person that makes you whole, and soon enough, the other person will realize this too.

Just give it time. It’ll get better.

We made the right choice.

I promise.

-H

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