It’s Been a While

It’s been a while since I have shared anything on here. To sum it all up here is what I’ve been up to.

  • I graduated… again
  • I moved back in with my parents
  • I took the same summer job I’ve had for a while
  • I’ve been seeing the same guy for a few months now
  • And on the day I went to a funeral for a childhood friend who was 22, I found out one of my other friends has cancer.

So my title says that it has been a while. It’s been a while for my writing, but it’s also been a while for another thing as well.

Let me explain the days leading up to the day of the wake/funeral.

I had gotten home from work, went outside, and received a call from one of my friends.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Holly?… Did Brett call you?”
“Um… no… why???”
“Um… Ty.. Tyler passed away.”

My instant reaction was confusion, and I just began asking questions about what happened. He has been walking down a major highway on Canada Day evening, and was struck by a vehicle. I was saddened to hear this news, but some part of me felt guilty that I wasn’t feeling more upset by it. I knew him as a kid, but we drifted apart, and I really didn’t know him anymore.

And that.

That made me sit there, outside, thinking, and I became increasingly upset.

Why had I let that friendship fade away? He was the sweetest kid. His smile was contagious, and he was a kind soul.

The funeral day approached and I arrived in the morning with the friend who had called me. There were not many people there in the morning, so we waited around all day.

It was sad to see pictures of his life and think of the life he could have had, but it was even more saddening to see his best friends, his ex girlfriends, his family. They were losing a brother.

I has lost a childhood friend that I has basically already lost before this.

More and more people arrived. People from all circles of his life, and people I hadn’t seen since high school, or even longer. It had been a while since I had seen all of these people.

Why was that?

Why hadn’t I put in the effort to see some of these people?

I liked these people.

I heard a couple stories about Tyler trying to rekindle a sort of friendship with certain people, and they didn’t pay him the proper attention.

Why do we do that?

Why do we want to run so fast through our lives and want to get to the future so quickly, that we never stop to look at who it is that we are leaving behind while we are running towards everything new and exciting?

I spent the day after the wake thinking about these things. I was thinking that I want to reconnect with these people. I want to hear about their new lives. I want to do it before this happens to any one of them. It hurts to be close to people who pass away, but at the same time, with someone like Ty, it would have been a privileged to know him up to that point. I knew of him, but I didn’t really know him.

I just used to know him.

A couple of hours passed by, and I went to see a friend, whom I rarely see, in Ottawa. We chatted, and then she told me. “He has cancer.”

Seriously.

She said it was the “good kind” though. The kind that should be cured with chemotherapy. However, this just pushed my thoughts about wanting so bad to reconnect with people. I hadn’t talked to my friend who has cancer in a while, and I felt pretty shitty about that.

So getting to the message of the story.

For many it takes a wake up call to realize that things need to change, that things need to be different, and for many, that wake up call comes to late. For me, it`s too late to get to know Tyler, and it was a sad day when such a sweet man passed away.

I realize there are some people that are not meant to be a part of your life, but I`m talking about the ones that you pushed out for no good reason.

I`ve ran fast enough and far enough into my future that I think it`s time to take a second and look back at all of those smiling little faces that I left behind while I was busy trying to get ahead.

Those smiling faces helped me to smile once, maybe I should try and return the favour.

Even if it is a little bit delayed.

-H

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