The Hilarity that is Tinder

I’ve had some great Tinder experiences. I’ve made a couple of friends, and dated a few people who I’ve met on Tinder. Tinder can be good for meeting people and seeing where things go, you sometimes really have to search for a good one, but it is possible to meet great people. Other times, I like to use Tinder for a good laugh.

People say weird things.

Since being in Toronto here are just a handful of the strange Tinder greetings I have received, and the thoughts that I experienced when reading them.

. . . 

1. “So giraffes… Too Tall?”

Um… is this a pick up line that I’m not understanding?

2. “Your first photo looks like a tumblr girl lool”

First of all, what the heck is a “tumblr girl”, and secondly, “laugh out out loud”? 

3. “Such beauty. much attraction. Wow.”

Alright, Doge, I might have replied if you weren’t 28 and using this as a line.

4. “I usually have clever opening lines but I’m just going to try: Hey, How’s it going?”

Oh. So I’m not worth any thought and creativity? Be better. 

5. “Hey you :)”

Do I know you?…

6. Teach me how to ride a horse

Um… Okay?

7. “So… June wedding.”

I feel this might be rushing things juuuust a tad.

8. “Ahhhhh I think I might be in love *heart eyed emoji*”

Ahhhhh how about nooo *forced smile emoji*

9. “So charming !!       how are you   ???              Are you interested for the party at Uniun  ?”

So, so, many problems… 1. What is this weird spacing that is happening? 2. You must be foreign or your spelling is just brutal. 3. On second look I see you are a “male dancer”, and no, I am not interested “for the party at Uniun”. 

A stripper. I Tinder matched with a male stripper. I should really look at people’s descriptions more carefully. 

10. The best one is not an opening line, but was this guy ever open about what he wanted.

Him: “Hey there.”

Me:  “Hi”

Him: “Would you consider yourself a sexual person?”

What the hell…. Me: “I think most people are in some way. Why?”

Him: “Just wondering. I find I don’t really get along with ladies who say they aren’t. I’m a fairly sexual person. I’m on here to find other fairly sexual people who know how to enjoy time spent with other interesting people.”

Why am I still continuing this conversation. Me: I guess that’s one way to look at things.”

**20 days later**

Him: “How’s the first little bit in Toronto going? Would you be interested in meeting up for coffee or something before you go?”

Um no. Not at all. Me: ” I don’t know if I’ll have the time, I leave Toronto soon and have a lot to get done before then.” Just try to reject him nicely. 

Him: “Hah alright. If you wanted an enjoyable sexual experience before ya head out just lemme know. I find you very attractive and you seem like an intelligent person worth sharing time with. I enjoy showing ladies how to orgasm. Most young women have just never have. Its something everyone should experience. I wouldn’t of been as blunt if you were staying longer. But I would just love to share some time with you before ya head back.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Holy. Good for you for being so confident, but do I look like I’ve never had an orgasm? Is that something I portray to you? “Love to share some time with me”… Man, who do you think you are haha Eros, the God of sexual desire and attraction. Get outta here. I’m good in the sex department thanks. Oh, and one more thing, wouldn’t have**.

Get your shit together fellas.

-H

 

 

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