My Sort of Odd Valentine’s Day

I mentioned in an earlier post about The Figure Skater, and about how I was working on being open to the possibility of a serious relationship with him. Weeeeeell…..

I had assumed we were doing something for Valentine’s Day because, well, people who are seeing each other usually do something of that day. I think Valentine’s Day is rather over-rated, if im being honest, but still, the guy should at least make an appearance. I hadn’t mentioned the day because I was waiting to see if he would offer up something to do. I knew he had a friend visiting from Toronto, but I was still half-expecting a lunch or dinner plan. There was no word, so I decided I would text him on the Wednesday before Valentine’s Day. I basically said I assumed we were spending Saturday together, but he replied saying his friend was going to be in town.

I knew that… but sure, whatever.

He had showed up unexpectedly for my birthday to deliver me flowers, so yea, I figured he would be the kind of guy to show up on Saturday for a bit, despite his friend visiting.

I shouldn’t have made that assumption because he didnt show up, and you know what, I realized that I didn’t even really care.

I woke up on Valentine’s Day and was Snapchatting with a couple of my friends. My friend, we will call him Russian, and I were dicussing how it was lame that we were both alone, so we decided to meet up and go for dinner. Russian is a sweet heart, he has always been a good, caring, and nice looking guy, but I just have never really been sexually attracted to him. He came over around 4pm, and what did he do, he brought me three roses with a note that read, “Every girl deserves flowers on Valentine’s Day.”

What a friggin sweetheart!

We went out to dinner at the pub near my place, and hung around with one of my roommates afterwards while playing Phase 10. One of my girl friends was stopping by at around 9pm after a dinner with her family, so at around that time, Russian left. My girl friend showed up not too long after and we chilled on the couch and chatted for a couple hours just like any other time.
10:30pm rolled around and I recieved a text from an ex-fling of mine, let’s call him Hockey Butt (lol).
**He and I did not end well, but a month or so after we ended, he realized he was overreacting a bit about what happened, and admitted that he was just hurt by it all, so i forgave him.
He and I had joked about getting McDonalds on Valentine’s Day after he was done reffing hockey that night, so he had texted me to see if I was still up for it.

Sure, why not?!

My friend left, and Hockey Butt showed up at my place. We went to the McDonalds near by, he got a Big Mac, and I got some McNuggets. Once we got back to my place we half-assed cut our food into the shape of hearts in spirit of the “holiday”, if one can even call it that, and started chatting up a storm.
Hockey Butt is also a very sweet guy, and cute, but he doesn’t have the best luck when it comes to women.

Our topic of conversation moved onto my “relationship” with The Figure Skater. I had told Hockey Butt previously that I was seeing The Figure Skater, so he had some idea about what was going on between the two of us. I explained to Hockey Butt how I was half expecting The Figure Skater to show up, and that we had barely even texted that day. I told him that I was starting to realize, I had and was having a better time with Russian, my girl friend, and him, than I probably would have had with The Figure Skater. We talked in circles about what I was going to do about how I was feeling.

He finally said to me, “Holly, I think you know what you want to do, you are just putting it off.”

And, I did know. I was just trying so hard to allow myself to be open to a relationship, that I was forcing myself into one that I didn’t even want to be in.

But, ugh! Another great guy, I don’t like enough. The Figure Skater is an awesome, and goofy guy, I just wasn’t feeling it anymore as much as I wish I did. However, he wasn’t really showing any sign that he wanted us to progress any further anyways.

So, meh. The conversation with Hockey Butt made me feel like it was now or never. I had to end it now, or I wouldn’t bring myself to do it. It was 3am. I’d do it in the morning. Hockey Butt left around that time, and I headed to bed, worried about how I was going to feel when I woke up.

W

hen I woke up, The Figure Skater was trying to make plans with me, and I decided I needed to have the conversation with him, so at 9:30am, the day after Valentine’s Day, I called him, and I ended whatever it was we were doing. He did tell me that he saw this going in the direction of a relationship, which, in all honesty, I did not get through his actions. However, it was probably the most non-emotional ending to a… whatever seeing someone is called… that I have ever had. I usually cry, but I didn’t, and he was really understanding and wanted to remain friends.

So, yep. That was my Valentine’s Day. A day to celebrate love that I spent with a silly Russian, one of my girl friends, and a guy I refer to as Hockey Butt, who is basically an ex. A day in which I realized I did not see the potential for love in the, sort of, relationship I was in.

What a stupid “holiday”.

-H

ps. I know it’s a little past Valentine’s Day, and I haven’t posted in a while, but that is because I was busy preparing for my move to Toronto for the month. I’m all safe and sound in the big city now.

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