He’s Just Not That Into Me?: Ya, well, you know what? Maaaybe he is.

I’ve seen the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” more times than I wish to admit (thinking about it now, I might watch it tonight). If you haven’t seen it, the movie is based on a book, written by former Sex and the City writers Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, with the same name.  I haven’t read the book, but the movie is about showing people essentially how to recognize that a guy is.. well.. just not that into you.

I see it time and time again, a girl likes a guy who is making up excuses as to why he can’t see her. If he wanted to see her, he would make the time to see her. Usually, if a guy wants to do something, he will do it. From my experience, men just do, and then maybe, just maybe, they think after. Women. We tend to think and think and think, and then maybe, just maybe, we do.

Really, I don’t think a girl should have to wait for a guy to call, or wait for him to ask her out. If a girl wants to text a guy, she should. If she wants to call him, she should. If she wants to ask him to hang out, she should. Those kind of coy games are just silly. Girls get it into their minds that they shouldn’t do these things because the guy won’t like it. But really ladies, if he is the slightest bit into you, he isn’t going to just stop talking to you because you texted, called, or asked him out first.  With that said, if she is trying and trying, and he keeps bailing or making excuses. I always jump to thinking that it’s time for her to realize, he isn’t “playing hard to get”, and she should probably move on, but really I do the same thing.

In the movie there is this idea about the rule and the exception. There is an exception to every rule. It suggests the idea that if he isn’t calling you, then he’s just not that into you. That would be the rule. The exception would be that, he is actually just really busy. He does like you, but really has not had any time to call you. I think this is true. As I said, if the guy is not initiating any conversation ever, then there is a 99% chance, that he is not that into you, however, there is that teeny, tiny, 1% that he is actually busy, and those excuses he seems to be giving are actual reasons.

This is what we hate to admit to ladies. We all, at some point in our lives, have clung onto that 1%, hoping and hoping that we were going to be it. We were going to be the exception. This ideology is also in the movie, but it’s true! We have all been that girl!

As I mentioned, even I’ve been that girl, and thinking about it now, I’ve been that girl quite a bit lately.

I can tell as an outsider looking in when a guy doesn’t seem interested in a girl, and usually other girls can do the same, but when it comes to us in the situation, I think we cling onto that hope so much because we want so badly to be that exception and we don’t want to be hurt. No one does. And rejection hurts. So, we deny it for as long as we possibly can, until the rejection is as obvious as the sky is blue, only then will we accept the rejection and move on…. maybe.

Usually this is how it goes down, at least in these sort of situations with me. 70% of the time you initiate the conversation, but 30% of the time he does. He snapchats you almost as much as you snapchat him. Maybeeee, he likes your Instagram photos. Maybe, he even likes your Facebook photos. His excuses do seem legitimate, and maybe he has asked you to hang out once or twice, but you were busy (damn it). Maybe he hits on you, but then later makes you feel like his sister. Maybe, he disappears for a month, and then he comes back into your life with some charming line, making you feel like he “ooooobviously” likes you. Maybe you run into him at a bar, or at school, or a restaurant, or Starbucks and he treats you like there is no reason to be confused about if he likes you or not.

So what about now?

It’s not like he has never initiated conversation, it’s not like he never asked you to hang out. Because he did. He did start conversations, and he did ask you to hang out. It’s still so unclear. And now, there is maybe a 15% chance that you’re holding onto instead of 1%. It makes it just a little bit harder to accept the rejection.

I know this is what I do. I know I look for the things that make it seem like he likes me, and I hold onto those. I hold on to that 15% chance that I will be the exception to the rule, and maybe that sounds pathetic, but it’s hard to give up. What if you give up too easily, and you actually were that 15%. Maybe it’s better to try to maintain hopeful until the rejection is so obvious that it is staring you in the face, than to give up too easily and never know that you were that 15%. What if you give up based on these “rules” and you left behind the one person who could have loved you in a way that you never thought possible.

I think it’s Okay.

It’s Okay to be the girl who holds onto that 15% or 1% chance of being the exception until the rejection is so opaque that you cannot see through it.

I’d rather look pathetic to some other people, than to give up too soon and regret it.

I’d rather be hurt, than lose out on an opportunity for a great love.

Just like Gigi in ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’, I’d rather be hopeful.

-H

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