It’s time I told you a bit about my battered heart.

‘I am happy that you are enjoying yourself and are on a path of discovering yourself. I know that is something that both of us have struggled with and tried to help each other with, but I know I can’t help you, only you can help yourself.
Imagining a life without you by my side is hard. The thought of it tears my heart in a million different directions and builds a lump in my throat. If I could wake up to you every day, I would never get tired of looking at your handsome face, I would never not want to kiss you good morning, I would be grateful every day. I would fight for us, I know no relationship is easy, I know we would fight, but I would never give up on us, I would never get bored with you, and I would never regret a moment of my life that was spent next to you. You’re it.’

I found this on my computer the other day. It was something I wrote, but never sent to him at the time. When I found it this time, however, I did send it to him because why the heck not? I wrote it for him to see, so he should see it.

Now, how do you fully move on from somebody who you felt so strongly about?

Sometimes what helps is to imagine that if you and him aren’t meant to be together, and you felt that strong, how amazing it will be when you find someone who is right for you. But, what if he is it? What if you can’t be together? So, what if you end up settling for someone who isn’t right for you? That is not fair to anyone now is it?

So what did I do? What did I do when someone who I felt so much for told me he didn’t know if he loved me anymore? When after beating up my heart over and over, kicked it one more time, just to be sure?

I moved on the best that I could. I’ve stayed open to new love. You have to be open to the potential because as I said, maybe they aren’t right for you and what you feel for the person who is will be much greater, and it will be worth every blow to your heart.

It’s hard not to compare. To compare potential loves to every extraordinary detail about him. For a long time I was under the impression that no one was every going to match him. The way he smiled, the way he lit up when he talked about something he loved, the way he held me. He is so interesting to me, I could listen to him talk for days on end and never get bored listening to him speak.

But…

I forced myself to stop. If he doesn’t love me anymore, then I deserve someone who will love me and know that he does. And if he doesn’t love me anymore, that just means that there is someone out there who is better for me than he is.  So if he doesn’t love me anymore, I don’t want to have wasted my time being so caught up that I missed the guy sitting at the bus stop, or the guy singing loudly in a bar, or the guy sitting next to me on an airplane. I don’t want to let him pass me by. I don’t want to miss the guy who will love me so deeply that my battered heart will almost forget that it had ever been hurt.

So, what have I been doing?

I’ve been keeping my heart open. Open to potential. I think the hardest part of it all is that he said he didn’t know. Not that he knew he didn’t love me, but that he didn’t know, so he still might actually love me. What a way to screw with a girl’s head, eh? So, until I find the one who may be better for me, there will still be the thought in the back of my mind… ‘what if he is it?’ 

So, to answer the question, how do you fully move on from somebody who you felt so strongly about?

Honestly, I have no f*cking clue… but I’ll let you know when (or if) it happens.

-H

… Although I have not mentioned any names, I’m sure some of you, who have read previous posts, can connect the stories together.

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