Reality Check: Stop Judging, Assuming, and Trash Talking

*This is a post that I have had as a draft for a while, but I decided to share it.

The other night I got a reality check.

I try my best not to be judgmental, not to make fun of people behind their back, and to not take things to heart. But, I think that at one point or another we all vow not to be so judgmental, and we recognize that bashing someone when they aren’t around is wrong. Yet, we do it. We all do it. I do it.

I’ll admit to falling into the trash talk of someone with a group of people. Maybe it’s a way to fit in, maybe you’re trying to make new friends. But, think about it, if these people are going to find humour in someone’s issues or someone’s flaws and then act all buddy-buddy with them in person, what do you think they say about you when you’re not around?

But, maybe that’s just me and my irrational mind.

I tend to take things personally as hard as I try not to. I tend to think that people are mad at me even when they aren’t, and I actually get anxiety when I think I did something wrong. I hate the thought of losing someone because of a mistake I made. It is an anxiety that makes me sick to my stomach, and I am easily hurt emotionally because of it.

Now, who can say that they knew that? Up until the past couple years, I don’t think I ever told anybody about it, and there are other things that only a few people know.

So, the things that someone might do or say, or things someone doesn’t do or doesn’t say could have a large impact on me. They wouldn’t have any second thoughts about how all of these things affect me because they don’t know and I’m not going to tell them.

I’m sure many of you “know”  that it is not a good thing to judge people also. But stop, think about it. I bet you have judged someone already today without a second thought. We jump to conclusions about people that we do not even really know.

Back to the reality check.

I was brought back to really examining my way of thinking, and how many people do not know that it plays a huge role in how I may come across to other people. People may judge me or assume something about me because of my actions that is incredibly inaccurate. Yet, still I had become caught up in fitting in, gossiping, and trash talking. It becomes something that we just do, even when we are alone.

Something happened last night, and I’m not going to say what, but I will explain the most important thoughts and details that lead me to write this.

They didn’t know why at first, but I took all of it personally. Despite them trying to tell me that it had nothing to do with me, in my mind it did. I did something wrong, and maybe they were trying to make a fool out of me, maybe this whole time they had been laughing about anything I had ever said to them. Maybe I was just a huge joke to them. I was hurt, and I let them know that I was hurt. I felt sick to my stomach, my mood totally changed. They would probably never talk to me because clearly, I was just a joke, and they were an asshole. No reason that was given about the situation really made any sense. So…

It must be me.

Then the truth came out.

It was not about me at all. None of it had anything to do with me. Just like how I have my issues, they have theirs, and their’s took over. I should have thought twice. I shouldn’t have been judgmental and assumed that they would be an asshole. I shouldn’t have said the things I said. At this point I became a bit concerned, so I made sure to ask a question. I didn’t expect anything really, but I felt I should ask.

“Are you okay?… Like really okay?… Not just the casual “i’m fine”.”

…And they told me more…  And I was so wrong about this person. I had made so many judgments, so many assumptions.

Que realization: Is that really the kind of person I want to be? The kind of person who so readily makes assumptions about someone I don’t really know. The kind of person who get’s bad retail service, and assumes that the person is just a bitch and then continues to go bash the worker to their friends. The kind of person who trash talks a “friend” because of the way they may have been acting the other day.

To everyone else, just stop. Stop and really take a moment to see somebody before judging them. Even in just really looking at someone, your initial perceptions could change.

And if you choose to ask the question, ask how someone is, like how they really are, when you really care, you might be surprised by what someone might tell you.

You might be surprised by how wrong you were.

And some people are just waiting to be asked…

-H

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