The other night I went out for a drink with one of my roommates. That drink turned into 3 pints which is enough to get me happily tipsy. At this point we found ourselves having a conversation about relationships, marriage, and divorce. If you have read one of my previous posts, I explained that I tend to get into situations with men, and then within 3 months, end that, and move onto the next. I’m currently trying to figure out what it is that makes me that way, and trying to allow myself to open up and let someone get close enough to me to pursue an actual relationship. However, is the problem really me not opening up? My roommate and I discussed these thoughts, and what started to come out of my mouth really made sense. Yea, I may have been intoxicated, but when I think about it now, I was onto something.
My parents met when they were in middle school, they ended up going to different high schools, yet started dating on and off. I wonder what it would have been like back then if there was Plenty of Fish, Match.com, Tinder, or any other of the abundance of dating websites and apps we have these days. My parents did date other people at one point, but they ended up back together. Many people back then, however, got together, stayed together, and got married. I am lucky to be surrounded by my parents and their friends who are still married and who are still very much in love with their significant other. It makes me wonder though, did some couples only stay together because there was a lack of other options? Maybe it was because they didn’t give up so easily because it was harder to find someone new so quickly.
I’ve heard many stories about people my grandparent’s age and the man asked the woman to marry him after a week. A WEEK! Can you imagine that? Was this because they needed to lock someone down before they were left alone? People back then did not have the option to click through people like a clothing website and say yes to the ones they liked. Everyone is so mobile these days, we are the generation of connecting. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. We also seem to be pushing so much for the right to be able to express our sexuality, not saying that this is wrong, it is just different than it used to be.
When you are seeing someone, dating someone, in a relationship, or maybe even married. It is so easy to be tempted by that attractive person on your computer or phone screen. And come on, like 80% of our generation has Tinder, it is just so easy. It is so easy to think that beauty on the screen will be better than what you have, and it is so easy to start communication with that person. The grass is always greener on the other side, right? We get pulled into this idea that the next person will be better than the one we have right now. Everyone loves the getting to know each other phase. It is full of new feelings, new butterflies, new nerves, new kisses, new sexual encounters. New is exciting. However, new isn’t always better. So, we find ourselves getting bored with the person that was new, and we move onto the next pretty face on the screen.
The next temporary love.
We convince ourselves that love is supposed to be extraordinary and exciting all the time, like in the movies. There are different kinds of love. Some people may be passionately in love all the time like people see in movies, but just because your love isn’t like that, doesn’t mean it isn’t special. Love is extraordinary and exciting, but that doesn’t mean that it will be that way 24/7. You have to try in love. Divorce is an option, and for some it is the best option, but I think a lot of people just give up. Maybe if they had pushed a little bit more, climbed to the top of that hill, they would see that the person they fell in love with is still the person they are meant to be with.
My generation is turning into a generation that wouldn’t even know love if it stared them right in the eye. Love changes throughout a relationship. Your initial love for someone will change into something that may seem less exciting, and people take that as a signal that it’s not meant to be, and maybe it’s not. But people, don’t throw away a good thing just because it doesn’t come easy. I believe that nothing great ever comes easy. Don’t jump into the arms of the next pretty face because you think it might be better than what you currently have.
We do not spend enough time appreciating what we have. We need to really think about why we are choosing someone new. Do we really have a reason for leaving behind a good thing? Everybody likes new things, but before you choose something new, think about what it is that you are giving up. Do you really want to let it go? Are you letting it go for a good reason? I think that if you find a good reason, if you push up that hill, reach the top, and realize that the love you once knew is lost, then you might be in a position where you should let that love go, if not, maybe you should think long and hard about your decision.
My point is, don’t give up so easily. Don’t set someone up for failure with unattainable standards. Nothing is perfect, and sometimes things get hard. Love doesn’t stay new forever, but sometimes the love you can achieve if you put in the effort, is worth the struggle, and is deeper, more passionate, and more beautiful than you could have ever imagined.
I may only be 21, but trust me on this one thing.
The grass isn’t always greener.